I refuse to be shamed by stones.

My Scripture reading has recently taken me to the book of Revelation. 

I love it. I soak in it. I rejoice in it. I long to see the hidden and deep meanings that have been pondered by many. I wish to hear it as John heard it. 

And this time reading through I was amazed by the fact that it seems God created certain "creatures" to give Him glory. I mean, that's their job. It's what they were created to do. They really don't "do" much of anything else. Hang around the throne and bow down and give honor and glory to God. 

And then I reached chapter 5 and read this:

And they sang a new song with these words:
“You are worthy to take the scroll
and break its seals and open it.
For you were killed, and your blood has ransomed people for God
from every tribe and language and people and nation.
And you have caused them to become God’s kingdom and his priests.
And they will reign on the earth.”
Then I looked again, and I heard the singing of thousands and millions of angels around the throne and the living beings and the elders. And they sang in a mighty chorus:
“The Lamb is worthy—the Lamb who was killed.
He is worthy to receive power and riches
and wisdom and strength
and honor and glory and blessing.”
And then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea. They also sang:
“Blessing and honor and glory and power
belong to the one sitting on the throne
and to the Lamb forever and ever.”
And the four living beings said, “Amen!” And the twenty-four elders fell down and worshiped God and the Lamb. 

Revelation 5:9-14

My heart soared! I want to be in that "crowd"! The privilege of ascribing greatness to the God of the universe. The Creator of everything. The God Who knows my name. The God Who knit me together in my mother's womb. The God Who knows my address. He sees where I live. He knows the thoughts and intents of my heart. He sees all my secret dreams and desires. He is my personal and intimate God. He knows all my strengths and weaknesses. And yet He loves me. He wants me in that crowd. He wants my praises. He wants me to live for His Glory. He wants me to know that it's all about Him.

Then the Spirit reminded me of another Scripture:

Then the crowds spread out their coats on the road ahead of Jesus. As they reached the place where the road started down from the Mount of Olives, all of his followers began to shout and sing as they walked along, praising God for all the wonderful miracles they had seen.
“Bless the King who comes in the name of the Lord!
Peace in heaven and glory in highest heaven!”
But some of the Pharisees among the crowd said, “Teacher, rebuke your followers for saying things like that!”
He replied, “If they kept quiet, the stones along the road would burst into cheers!”

Luke 19:36-40

I don't want to begin my praise to God on my first day in Heaven. I want it to be something I do constantly here on the earth so that on my first day in Heaven it's only a continuation of how I've lived my whole live up to that point. No new learning curves. No wondering why I hadn't done it before. Only the joy of doing it face-to-face. 

Today I am a God-follower. Today I am a wife and mother. Today my shoulder is in pain. Today I am uncertain of what tomorrow holds. Today I cannot see my future. Today I feel inadequate for the tasks I'm responsible to complete. 

These things do not change Who God is. He is still worthy of praise. He is still the God of Glory. He is a God of goodness and mercy and justice and love.

I'm not giving the stones a chance. I refuse to be shamed by stones.

Care to join me?

Sweetness for Monday

Happiness is like a kiss - it feels best when you give it to someone else. 

Author Unknown

peace

This is a picture I created for a friend.

It reads. . .

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of cringing and fawning fear), 

but [He has given us a spirit] of. . . 

POWER

(the Holy Spirit is our power)

and of

LOVE


(God the Father is love)

and of 

CALM and WELL-BALANCED MIND

(Jesus is our peace. It is through Him that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds.)

II Timothy 1:7

“Fear is the absence of faith.”

the mimic

We're at that stage in childhood when one of the most annoying things you can do to a sibling is to mimic every move they make. 

So tonight at the supper table the 10 year old big sister is mimicing the 5 year old little brother.  I should have seen the danger signs based on the age difference, but I didn't see this one coming. 

He crosses his arms. She crosses hers. He moves his leg. She moves hers. And there it ended. 

She looked over as he moved his hand toward his face. She began to do the same. Then a look of total horror and astonishment came over her face as she watched little brother stick his finger in his nose to search for some unknown treasure. 

She couldn't bring herself to mimic that and burst into laughter. I guess she'd been bitten on this round of "mimic". It might be a while before she tries it again. 

Funny  children! I'm sure I never did anything like that, right Mom?? 

quietness of soul

"If these souls knew at this point in time how to be quiet and were not caught up in constant activity, then they would have that wonderful experience of this inner refreshment that is free from worry. . . This blessing comes when the soul is relaxed and carefree."

from The Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross

Back a few. . .

Months, that is. I couldn't blog about it then. In May and June. It was too close. Too painful. Too deep. Too misunderstood. Too heart wrenching. Too difficult. Too unexplainable. Too confusing. 

But here I am three months later. I've been deepened. Strengthened. Matured. Comforted. There are still many things I don't understand. But I realize I don't have to. Because my Father knows what He has planned for me and I am able to rest in that. 

In May, a few day's after Mother's Day, I found out I was pregnant. For some of you that may have been glorious news. For me it was not. You see, after five Hobb(it)s (the youngest being nearly 3) I was ready to move to the next phase of family life. And there are things we believe God is asking us to do and be part of that cause our hearts to want to be past the infant stage. . .  for mobility's sake. And here I am. Pregnant again. 

There were many tears. Many questions. My heart wanted so badly to accept whatever gift God wanted to send to me. I struggled. I wrestled. My heart begged God to fill me with love. 

I started shopping for maternity clothes hoping I'd get "in the mood". Hoping my heart would find excitement. Hoping I could somehow make myself get ready. It didn't work. 

I ended up at the thrift store with a whole cart full of adorable maternity clothes. But I couldn't bring myself to buy them. Inside my heart screamed, "Why?" It's just not me. When I discover bargains I don't just leave them there. Not this time. I walked away with nothing. 

There were those who listened and loved me.  They let me cry and told me that everything would be ok. They prayed and did battle on my behalf when my spirit was so distraught I could scarcely breathe. 

There were those who misunderstood. They thought I should just get over it. They judged my soul's agony. They offered no comfort. 

Then, in June, two days after our 12th wedding anniversary, I miscarried.

Trying to describe my thoughts, feelings, emotions during that time is nearly impossible. I'd tried so hard to bring myself to acceptance and love and excitement about the pregnancy. And it never came. Was it God's Spirit trying to prepare me? 

I was so relieved to not be pregnant. But what about the guilt? 

We were on family vacation when we lost baby. We were surrounded by people who love us. They cried with us. They prayed for us. They joined us in mourning. We laid baby to rest in a memorial garden created in honor of Daniel's mother who is waiting in the heavenlies. It seemed a good place. 

Somewhere in eternity I shall meet a child whom I will never know here on earth. I feel poorer for not having known him/her. But someday. . . 

There has been a lot of pain. Turmoil. Mixed emotions. I don't know what this experience has to do with the Glory of God. But I know that God is more concerned about His Glory than about my present happiness. 

And so I rest in the fact that somehow this is not about me. God is full of Glory. He is trustworthy. He is the God of all comfort. He knows my frame. He understands that I am just dust. And yet He loves me.